your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
