i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
