Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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