I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
