she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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