If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
