highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
