sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
