Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
