I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
