The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
