Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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