o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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