happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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