I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize