Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
