Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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