You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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