Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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