Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
