She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
