Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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