she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
