Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
