And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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