I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
