and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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