I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
