2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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