So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
