Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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