1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The maid of honor just puked.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
