Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
