I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
