a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
