My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
