I feel great
I just peed on a car
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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