Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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