What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
