i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
