My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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