I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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