dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
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I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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