butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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