You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
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After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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