he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
