Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
