its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
