What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
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I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
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If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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