I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
