I can't watch pbs sober anymore
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
