The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
