And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
