every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Small penises have feelings too.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Mom said you looked used
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
