If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize