called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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