so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
