At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
