go do what you do best...puke behind churches
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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