omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
