I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
