i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
