Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
