just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!