wanna go halves on a baby?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
