we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
