u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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