Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
