I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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