I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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