i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
