Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
